The Next Step

- An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. - Proverbs 12:25

I had my share of bullies throughout my days in public school, but no person hated me more than...me.   For as long as I can remember I've always been my worst enemy.  I never liked my round belly, my crooked nose, wavy hair or the fact that I needed glasses to see.  While I had friends, I never really saw anything appealing about the person named Frederic Dean Whittier.  It's been an issue that I have been dealing with for the majority of my life.

I'm not writing that to garner a sympathetic response to any who may read this.  It's just a statement of fact.  I have always been my own worst enemy.  I accept all the blame for all my failings, misgivings and missteps.  Along with that it has been MY voice that has been the one whispering in my ear "Don't try it!  You, of all people, can't do it!" I have talked myself out of post secondary educational institutions, career choices, job interviews and casual friendships.  "It" has always been a multi-headed monster that loomed over me as I cowered under the bed covers of insecurities and self loathing.  Today that all changes!

This blog is a big step for me.  The idea for this was birthed in the bathtub after I finished reading a book that a fellow Bethany Bible College (now known as Kingswood University) had written.  As I put the book down I had the initial thought that perhaps, just perhaps, I could could write something as well.  It wasn't a notion of "If he can do it, I can do it better!"  I wanted to be brave enough to TRY.  In that moment all I wanted was the chance to do something without allowing my own whispered voice talking me out of it...so here we are.

In the past year I have discovered the music of recording artist Zach Williams.  I'm sure he's not everyone's "cup of tea" but his music strikes a chord with me (Yes!  The pun was on purpose!).  The words of his song "Fear is a Liar" explain WHY I'm my own worst enemy.  Simply put I struggle with fear.  I stopped myself from doing things because of fear.  Allowing fear to have control over my life not only interferes with life decisions, it has the uncanny ability to hold one hostage and, like Freddy Mercury used to sing, "I Want to Break Free!"  This blog is me fighting back!

The whispering still occurs.  I enrolled in a "work at your own pace" writing course WHICH I have avoided over the last couple of weeks BUT I'm on vacation this week so I really have no excuse.  I decided to put this very RAW blurb out tonight simply because I needed to.  The whispers saying "You CAN'T!" are growing louder again.  I can't let them stop me so I choose to write.  

It may be messy.  It might not be your "cup of tea."  This blog may never become a best selling book that makes me a household name...nor is it meant to be.  This is simply me being myself without allowing myself to stop me!