Family

 Happy Family Day everyone!  

This past Christmas Melissa bought me something that I have wanted for quite a while now.  She bought me the Ancestry DNA kit from Ancestry.com.  If you don't know how that works, it goes like this.  The kits come with a unique identification code that you register online.  Once that is completed you spit in a tube (it's not a lot of saliva BUT I did feel pressured to get enough in the tube), place the tube of saliva in the box provided and ship it off to be analyzed!  SCIENCE!!!

For years I have been intrigued by learning more about who my ancestors were, especially as I have become older.  Up until recently I was focused on my Whittier line.  It wasn't until my uncle Rick invited me to join a couple DeWitt family Facebook pages did I yearn for a greater picture of my entire family tree.

It had been over eight weeks waiting for any type of "spit analyses" to come back until I saw results for the first time yesterday.  In a nutshell, I'm 100% Caucasian. While waiting for the results to come in I've been building my family tree online.  I have over 600 people in my tree.  Of all those people I have found one pastor, an American Civil War captain, the caretaker for Mary Queen of Scots AND a Sheriff of Nottingham.  Unfortunately it wasn't THE Sheriff of Nottingham connected with Robin Hood, but I'll take it.

On the Ancestry family of websites, I have over 37,000 people that I share some type of genetic material with ranging from as far away as Melbourne, Australia clear over to one sole connection on Hawaii and all places in between.  My DNA results have aligned with my own family research.  I have Scottish, English, Irish and Dutch roots.  Like I said, I'm white.  Just call me "Plain Bread Fred," I guess.

I have found a few pictures of my relatives along the way.  My children think I look a lot like my maternal grandmother.  Caleb shares a few facial features of my great grandmother's father.  Meagan is the spitting image of my sister.  To be honest, I think this kit has been one of the greatest Christmas gifts I've ever received...next to Thunder Punch He-Man!

While I am grateful for the DNA kit's results, I cannot forget to be thankful for the immediate family I have.  I have a wonderful wife that supports me to no end.  We have two wonderful children that have unlimited potential to do whatever they put their minds to.  

I am blessed to have my father still with me, and equally as blessed to have had my mother for as long as I did.  Even though I don't say it often they gave me the best of all best friends I have ever had in my sister.  She, and her husband, both amaze me with the great work they have done with my three nephews (I know what you're wondering and the answer is YES.  I am their favourite uncle).

Melissa's parents are shining examples of what a loving marriage should look like!  I am so blessed to count them as family.  They, along with all my aunts and uncles, cousins and in laws are people that I would always go to bat for.  Family is special to me.    

I'm not sure what you might think about your genetic connections but let me encourage you with something before I end.  Take time to appreciate the family you have, as well as your friendships.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow so take the time today to let them know you care!  

I know that was a rather weak way to end my post.  You'll have to excuse me, though.  I have a Hawaiian cousin I need to contact.  They're going to want me to come over soon, right? 

The One Where He Wrote About Love...on Valentine's Day!

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails... (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV)

    I'm going to let you all in on a little secret of mine!  Are you ready?  Here it goes...  I really don't like reading the "Love Chapter" at weddings.  Truth be told, I prefer performing funerals more than weddings but that's a story for another day!

    I am not against reading 1 Corinthians 13 at weddings.  I have on several occasions at the request of the bride and groom.  I have even addressed the bride and groom and encouraged them to be patient, kind, etc. with each other in their life ahead.  

    I believe these are life changing words!  When couples request them to be read at a wedding often they are looking at the word "love" as connecting it with feelings and emotions.  In the above context, love is an action word.  In the original Greek the word used is agapē.  This isn't an romantic type of love (that's eros, if you're curious or plan on being on Jeopardy).  Agapē love is an unconditional, sacrificial love.  It is an unselfish love that is extended to the people around us.  To get a little preachy, it's the love the directed to the all of us by God and, by extension, we redirect back to Him.  It's also the same love we are expected to show to others around us.

    In a little less preachy manner, agapē love is shown through Golden Rule: doing to others what you would want them to do to you!  It could mean wearing a mask, not because the government told you to, but because someone you know, or not know may have an physical limitation that makes them more susceptible to more severe medical complications.  On the other hand, it also means getting off a pedestal and listening to those that feel their rights are being infringed upon.

    It's not easy but, then again, nothing sacrificial is.  Unconditional love is something that needs to be worked day in and day out.  It's a love, when put into practice, doesn't just affect others but us as well.  This is a world changing type of love!  Imagine what the world would be like if we put the needs of others before our own needs?  Agapē love could repair global divisions based on race, economic status, indigenous treaty rights, etc.  

    Maybe I shouldn't be to critical of the wide-eyed, love stricken couples that ask this to be read at their wedding?  All couples need to have a selfless love in order to make their marriage work!  Unconditional love in a marriage will help partners make their partners better people...better people that produce and raise better people.  

    Agapē love, if allowed to run rampant, is more infectious than any virus!  Maybe we need a pandemic of loving people LOVING PEOPLE!?  Somebody needs to be Patient 0.  Might as well be me!  

Who Am I? Part Deux

For Christmas Melissa bought me a DNA kit from Ancestry. I have wanted one for years now. I have wanted to know more about my family history ever since I read an article that said there were only 700 Whittier families remaining in the world. I wanted to preserve my history before Whittier's became extinct like the dinosaurs, McDonald’s pizzas, and the Maple Leafs’ Stanley Cup parade! It turns out, however, that article was grossly inaccurate. 

Before I ever collected my saliva in a tube and shipped it off to Ireland, I have been fascinated in learning more about my genetic makeup. I have found online copies of several of my grandparents' marriage certificates, as well as different documents connected with Melissa’s ancestors. For example, I share a common ancestor with a prominent New Brunswick family that I may, or may not, be employed by. To date I have not brought this information to their attention!  

I have a connection with Mary, Queen of Scots as well. Yes, he was her caretaker while she was a child BUT one of his granddaughters was one of her ladies in waiting, as well as one of her bride’s maids. Exciting? Yes, but it’s not something I want to lose my head over! 

It has been a fun time looking back. With each new branch on the ever-growing family tree comes a new sense of awe for me. Each new name added makes me wonder what this person was like. Did they have green eyes like me? What was their life like? What did they sound like? Would we have anything in common? Did they ever think about the legacy they were leaving behind for future generations? 

I made of small pieces of every ancestor that has gone before me, but I live my life not for my ancestors but for my descendants. Who I am is more than the combination of genetic material I received from my mother and father. My life has also been shaped by the relationships I have with other people along the way, relative or not! 

When my life is over, I would like to be remembered as a caring person more than a guy with brown hair. I want people to miss my sense of humour more than my eye colour. I want to be known as a man that loved God, adored his wife, cared for his children and left and impact on his family and friends. I want people to be better because they knew me because I have been made better for knowing every one of you! 

In a few days I will receive my Ancestry DNA results. I’m sure it will tell me that I’m about as white as vanilla ice cream, and I’m okay with that. As I continue to dig into my family roots perhaps, I’ll learn that my ancestors were nobility, Vikings, or Maple Leaf fans? No matter what the outcome, I will continue to work on making me a better version. 

Like the DNA test, I am a work in progress. My life isn’t over yet, and neither is yours. The best way to have an impact on your descendants is to make an impact on others around you today! 

Who am I?

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” (Psalm 8:3-4, NIV)

 

Have you ever felt lost?  It’s a scary, dark and lonely feeling. It can creep in at any moment and leave you feeling paralyzed and helpless!  Once, when I was a small boy, I lost sight of my mother and father at a department store in my hometown.  It wasn’t a big store by any means, but for a few moments I felt alone and abandoned. 

 My parents were shopping for shoes.  What child wants to look boring shoes when there were shiny new toys one aisle over?  Not me!  I did what any red-blooded young lad would do… I left my folks and went to look at toys!  I knew I wasn’t going to be gone too long.  They would never even know I had slipped away.  I would simply slip away, browse and come immediately back!  No harm, no foul, right?  Wrong!

When I left the toy aisle and returned to where my parents were, I soon realized they were gone!  My quick escape to Toyland resulted in me not knowing where my parent had gone!  What if they had left the store?  For all I knew my parents had found the items they were looking for and went home.  I did what any young boy would do when facing the notion of being abandoned in the middle of The Met.  I cried…and peed myself!  (Side Note – I was a child, people!  Cut me some slack!)

There have been times throughout my adult life that I have felt just as lost and alone as I did that night.  No!  I don’t pee my pants but the same feeling of loss and confusion can be felt!  Like the younger me, I find myself reaching out to some source of comfort and normalcy only to become more lost and alone.  The loneliest times were the times when I felt like I had lost myself and my purpose in life. 

There have been days I have looked at myself in the mirror and despised the security guard staring back at me.  I didn’t spend four years in Bible college to become a security guard!  I went to college to become a pastor.  I wasn’t meant to be Paul Blart: Mall Cop!  I no longer recognized who I was because I didn’t KNOW who I was anymore!  My life had become a shoe aisle and I felt like the little boy with wet pants feeling lost all over again!

One of the store employees saw me standing alone in the shoe aisle wet from tears and…well, you know.  She was tall enough to see over the racks and beckoned over to my parents.  Mom came over, took me by the hand and gave me a very stern talking to, but I didn’t care.  I was safe!  I wasn’t lost anymore.

To find myself once again I reached out to a counselor.  I have been going, off and on, for between four and five years now.  My counselor is helping me see who I am.  I’m not defined by a job title but by the relationships I have.  I am more than what I see in the mirror. 

-          I don’t need to sell myself short because I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) by One that doesn’t make mistakes!

-          I am married to an incredible woman and together we have two incredible children.

-          I am a member of a family that loves and supports me when I hate myself. 

-          I belong to a great church and work with a great group of pastors and parishioners.

-          I work for company that values me as a welcome addition to the team.

-          I have people that have supported me when I unleashed this idea of a blog.

-          I am blessed!

I really want to end this blog by saying “and they all lived happily ever after” but I can’t.  I still struggle with seeing myself as anything more than a failure. Changing a mindset does not happen instantaneously.  It is a daily battle that I one day hope to win!

“I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

– Amazing Grace, John Newton, Public Domain  

Yesterday

Nostalgia: a wistful or excessively sentimental sometimes abnormal yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition. (Merriam-Webster.com)

      Every time I look in the mirror, I see an older version of myself staring back at me.  He has a more lines on his face.  His hair is a little greyer. He is not me because I know I am still young.  I am not THAT old, am I?

Before you, dear reader, contemplate the best (and most sarcastic) way to comment be secure in knowing I can easily acknowledge my age.  I welcome the grey hair.  Wavy grey hair is very distinguished.  Pair that with the right pair of glasses (bifocals because I am not only old but blind) and I make middle age look bearable! 

I do not mind getting older although I do miss my youth!  Regardless of what people may say or think nothing compares to the music of the late 1980’s and early 1990’s!  That is the music of my formative years.  Those songs take me back to a time before endless pandemics.  It was a carefree time when I never had to worry about paying bills, cellphone coverage, retirement plans or health insurance.  I was free to listen to Eric Clapton, Alice Cooper, Milli Vanilli, or Def Leppard.  Nothing compares to the emotional high I would receive from a rocking guitar solo in the middle of any “hair metal” song…except for marrying Melissa, seeing the birth of our children and the gold medal won by the Canadian men’s hockey team in Salt Lake City, Utah at the 2002 Winter Olympics!

I loved the era in which I grew up.  I have a ton of great memories (I am Canadian so TONNE of memories) of dances, first kisses, dorm life and friendships.  These were the years where mullets were “cool”; a time where slow dances lasted forever!  They were days filled with laughter, tears and being chased around the dorm while dressed up as a sheep.  Those years helped make me who I am today; for better and for worse. 

Not every memory is a great memory.  There were hard days and stupid mistakes, but my life is built on the foundation of those memories.

I am who I am because of the days gone by.  I do not look back and yearn for yesterday.  There are things I would like to do over if given the chance, but who does not feel that way?  I do, however, enjoy looking back and seeing how far I have come; how far we, as society, have come!  The world is not the same place it was twenty plus years ago and neither should we!

The older version of me I see in the mirror is a person I am becoming increasingly proud to be.  The scars I have are reminders of battles fought; life changing battles that have added to my character.  The grey hair stands echo wisdom gained from years gone by.  My bifocals…well that just means I am getting older, however I am glad that I have to opportunity to grow older!

There is much to be thankful right now!  Looking back is fun but there is an adventure lying before all of us.  Yesterday is gone.  You can never get it back.  Today, right now, is a time to build yourself up for whatever comes tomorrow! 

I may be getting older but, I believe, I am getting better as well.  Age becomes me!  So, bring on tomorrow.  Bring on the future!  Bring on more wrinkles and grey hair!  I will walk boldly into tomorrow with my head held high and a rocking hair metal guitar solo in my heart!

·         “nostalgia” Merriam-Webster.com. 2022. https://www.merriam-webster.com (Feb. 5, 2022)

Something to Talk About!

 “It is greed to do all the talking but not to want to listen at all.” - Democritus, Greek Philosopher 

I am not sure when I stopped posting comments and reactions to events taking place in the world around us, but I know I have been quiet with regards to the pandemic over the last two years. To be quite honest there is a lot of social commentary floating around in cyberspace. My little drop of an opinion would be a miniscule ripple in the bucket of contrasting views and opinions that fill social media sources like Facebook and Twitter.

 

These days I cringe whenever I see posts that are made to “ruffle the feathers,” of those of a different mindset or political persuasion. In the past I would eagerly jump into a Facebook fight to defend my viewpoint on “hot button” issues. As was often the case, my jump to defend caused offense to the person who made the original post to begin with. Sometimes I cared about their feelings, and I would quickly apologize and delete my comment but not always. If they were hurt, I reasoned they were only hurt by the “truth” and not by my pompous actions.

 

My dive into the bloodbath of social commentary began to wane following a New Brunswick provincial election in September 2014. I remember reading a post-election article on the CBC website. I made my way to the “Comment” section, and I was shocked by the amount of hatred and bile spewed by New Brunswickers about other New Brunswickers. My home province was clearly divided between the English and French speaking portions; a result reflected in the election results as well.  

Over the next few weeks, I began seeing increased cruelty and hurtful discourse being shared and, in many cases, nurtured by talking points and political opinions. From my perspective, our civil discourse was being eroded by the rising tide of sensationalism, misinformation, and an ever-growing sense of the “Us vs. Them" mentality. It was no longer about relying on our similarities and celebrating our differences. The mood was becoming more of a witch hunt where, as a society, we have become willing to roast someone for their differences because they did not fit in a certain mold...and this was all before the Covid-19 pandemic hit. If anything, the pandemic has not only caused physical and emotional pain and suffering. It is destroying some of the last few ounces of civility we have left. 

Somewhere along the way, we have lost the ability to respectively disagree with each other. We have lost the ability, or desire, to sit down and talk through things. It is much easier to post a comment, or share a meme, than it is to gather around a table and talk. 

I know that some are going to say, “With all the lockdowns we have had we cannot see people long enough to talk.!” I agree! Rules and regulations put in place have made it hard for people to get together but the lack of ACTUAL conversation and communication between different parties has been around for some time now. 

Just last week, I had a video call with a college friend living in Maine. It was nothing more than an hour of open and honest discussion. No memes. No talking points. No rhetoric. It was two people simply talking! 

Do I have opinions on government policies? Absolutely I do! Do I have an opinion on vaccines, masks, the endless lockdowns and trucker rallies in our nation’s capital? Yep! Do I want to share those ideas and opinions? They cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety but of course I do! Do you know how many comments I have typed out over the last couple of years only to delete them before hitting the “Enter” button? It is more than I care to share. I do not because I am trying to see more value in the person commenting than in their comments...so I wrote a blog instead. 

In no manner am I trying to say you cannot have a opinion; nor am I trying to say you should refrain from sharing. All I am asking is we consider someone else before we become too self-centered. Maybe we should listen more and post less? Or consider being an example instead of being right...or left (insert better political joke here)!

 

I know we are not always going to agree, and I am okay with that. All I am looking for is a platform where the free expression of thoughts and opinions can be discussed without fear of reprisal or rejection. This platform would have comfortable chairs, hot coffee (or a cold pop) and a conversation where we would talk TO each other. I am tired of being talked at and talked over. I want to be listened to rather than heard!