Be Still...

“The calm within the storm is where peace lives and breathes. It is not within perfect circumstances or a charmed life... it is not conditional. Peace is a sacred space within, it is the temple of our internal landscape. We are free to visit it, whenever we seek sanctuary. Underneath the chaos of everyday living, peace is patiently awaiting our discovery... go within.” ― Jaeda DeWalt 

We had a snowstorm this past weekend. I’m not sure exactly how much snow we received but it was 20 cm (about twice the length of the long edge of a credit card) or more (that’s around 8 inches, give or take). I had a fair amount of shoveling ahead of me. Fortunately, I bought an electric snow thrower a few years back. It’s not built to handle a great deal of snow, especially the wet snow we receive here on the East Coast of Canada BUT if you go out a few times, it will work fine. I’m happy with the results. 

Melissa and I have seen our fair share of “storms” over the past 23 years (almost) of being married, many surrounding the times we spent in the hospital with our children. Some of these storms were battles our children were facing. Some people invited us into their own family struggles with their own children’s health concerns.  

I quickly learned that some of the issues we faced were not as grim as other families. I recall one conversation at the Ronald McDonald House in Toronto that Melissa had with another mother about a drug treatment her little boy. This mother was torn between choosing between a few different clinical trials available for her son. My wife comforted this poor woman as best as she could.  

The mother continued to pour out her emotions. She, like Melissa, was the only parent going to each appointment with her child. She bore much of the stress while the father, like me, would only be there sporadically. She connected with Melissa because they could relate to each other. It was a kinship built on trust, reassurance, and familiarity.  

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been hosting an online bible study/prayer time over Facebook. We have been studying verses that people sent to me as being their favorite. The words of each verse speak not only to the greatness of God but can be a familiar comfort in some of their personal storms.  

One of the most popular verses shared with me is Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God...” (NIV). These words not only encourage the reader to recognize that One greater than themselves is in control but it also gives call to pause; to cease all they are doing and quiet themselves.  

It can be chaotic when all the world seems to be against you; or when the earth seems to be falling away from under your feet. This verse calls us to simply stop long enough to get your bearings. Take account of everything that is happening, as well as every available way to you. It calls us to simply take a breath. The Hebrew phrase for “Be Still” is roughly translated as “Stop!” 

We all face battles. We all struggle with different things. Life isn’t always fair, or easy. I believe that even in our hardest battles there is always a time, a small window of opportunity, when we need to find the time to stop and collect ourselves. If you believe there is a God that cares for us, like I do, then taking to the time to stop all questions, doubts, fears and concerns gives us time to focus our gaze from our situation towards the One that holds it all in the palm of His hands. It gives us the moment to see that we are not alone in the battle. 

If, by chance, you are reading this and you do not believe in God, I hope you, too, can see the benefit of stopping in the middle of a crisis to reach out to someone familiar to your battle much like the woman with the sick child did with Melissa. There is comfort to be found when you realize you’re not alone in this world! It is like a faint light in the darkest of nights giving us all a glimmer of hope when it all seems hopeless! 

#Let's Talk!

 - Sometimes, the people you don't think want to talk to you are the ones waiting for you to talk to them. - Anonymous

I used to get in trouble for talking in school.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I used to get in trouble for talking loudly in school...and on the school bus.  I can remember getting "pink slips" from our bus driver, Ken Pedder, on a regular basis.  By regular I mean it was frequently enough that I became very well versed in the forging of my mother and father's signatures...but that's a story for another blog.

I've always been a chatter.  My son has inherited that trait from me. I have seen him talk with a complete stranger in a furniture store about the Winnipeg Jets while Melissa and I were looking at sectional sofas.  The sales team did not have the rapport with this person that Caleb had.  Talking (loudly) is what we do best.

While I like talking with others about a great deal of things, I'm not one that likes to SHARE much information during a conversation, by which I mean on a personal level.  I can remember being reprimanded by some members of a church board for sharing too much.  "People don't want to hear about what you're going through, Brother Fred!" they would say.  They meant it, too.  They were also very free about commenting on what was wrong with my preaching, the way I dressed, and how my wife and I lived.  Eventually I left the church and began holding on to a lot of baggage.  I left there an emotional wreck.  If I hated myself before, I loathed myself even more after that experience.

It wasn't until I moved to Nova Scotia that I found a friend that I could confide in; someone other than my wife.  He was more than a friend or a confident.  I looked up to him as a mentor; an older brother that took me under his wing.  He and his wife faced many of the same battles that Melissa and I had.  They cared for us like we were family.  He heard me.

From time to time, old habits would creep in again and I would close myself off once more.  I would retreat within myself because it felt safe but it was more like a dungeon than a sanctuary.  After hitting a breaking point, I began seeking help.  The greatest thing about being in counseling (Yes.  I'm not afraid to say that I'm in counseling) is not only am I being heard but I have been handed the keys to my dungeon.  I'm slowly stepping out and allowing others in.  Not everyone acts like the board members of my first church.  Some actually care and want to hear.

Today is Bell Let's Talk day in Canada.  It's a day focused on getting people to be honest and open about their own mental health struggles and to seek out others that will hear them.  While some may scoff at the media conglomerate behind the day, at least it gives people the chance to start the conversation.

According to Google, a conversation is defined as "a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged."  I know this pandemic has been hard on many.  If you are reading this and feel like you have no one that hears and listen to you, let to assure you that I will.  I know what it's like to feel like you're alone.  Let me be the one that helps you like my dear friend Leon helped me!

- Dedicated to the memory of my friend, and mentor, Leon.  Until we talk again!- 

The Next Step

- An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. - Proverbs 12:25

I had my share of bullies throughout my days in public school, but no person hated me more than...me.   For as long as I can remember I've always been my worst enemy.  I never liked my round belly, my crooked nose, wavy hair or the fact that I needed glasses to see.  While I had friends, I never really saw anything appealing about the person named Frederic Dean Whittier.  It's been an issue that I have been dealing with for the majority of my life.

I'm not writing that to garner a sympathetic response to any who may read this.  It's just a statement of fact.  I have always been my own worst enemy.  I accept all the blame for all my failings, misgivings and missteps.  Along with that it has been MY voice that has been the one whispering in my ear "Don't try it!  You, of all people, can't do it!" I have talked myself out of post secondary educational institutions, career choices, job interviews and casual friendships.  "It" has always been a multi-headed monster that loomed over me as I cowered under the bed covers of insecurities and self loathing.  Today that all changes!

This blog is a big step for me.  The idea for this was birthed in the bathtub after I finished reading a book that a fellow Bethany Bible College (now known as Kingswood University) had written.  As I put the book down I had the initial thought that perhaps, just perhaps, I could could write something as well.  It wasn't a notion of "If he can do it, I can do it better!"  I wanted to be brave enough to TRY.  In that moment all I wanted was the chance to do something without allowing my own whispered voice talking me out of it...so here we are.

In the past year I have discovered the music of recording artist Zach Williams.  I'm sure he's not everyone's "cup of tea" but his music strikes a chord with me (Yes!  The pun was on purpose!).  The words of his song "Fear is a Liar" explain WHY I'm my own worst enemy.  Simply put I struggle with fear.  I stopped myself from doing things because of fear.  Allowing fear to have control over my life not only interferes with life decisions, it has the uncanny ability to hold one hostage and, like Freddy Mercury used to sing, "I Want to Break Free!"  This blog is me fighting back!

The whispering still occurs.  I enrolled in a "work at your own pace" writing course WHICH I have avoided over the last couple of weeks BUT I'm on vacation this week so I really have no excuse.  I decided to put this very RAW blurb out tonight simply because I needed to.  The whispers saying "You CAN'T!" are growing louder again.  I can't let them stop me so I choose to write.  

It may be messy.  It might not be your "cup of tea."  This blog may never become a best selling book that makes me a household name...nor is it meant to be.  This is simply me being myself without allowing myself to stop me!